Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
