You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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