I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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