It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Let's paint friendship bongs
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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