She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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