Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
