TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
