I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
