She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
