he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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