Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
