thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Found the puke drawer
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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