I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
