My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
