There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
