Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
