I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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