I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
