Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
