Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
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