i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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