What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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