Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
