Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
