So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
