My underwear smells like fireworks.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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