I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
