i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize