does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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