So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
