I swear she didn't look like that last week.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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