Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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