Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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