Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
