someone threw a dead crab at me
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
As shirtless as possible
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Randomize
