Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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