Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
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