mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
