wakey wakey hands off snakey
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
