What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
