i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
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