She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
