woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
