He kissed a someone with a penis
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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