You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
