you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
