it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
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