I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
