dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
No I am not eating basil off your cock
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
