a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Randomize
