my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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