The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Randomize
