in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
