found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
