I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Walk of Shame today included voting.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
