you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Randomize
