so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
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