I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Randomize
