oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
