so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Randomize
