Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
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