phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
