her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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