Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
