Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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