Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Randomize