she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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