MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
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