What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
