this beer tastes like vomit already
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Randomize
