new low.... made out with someone while peeing
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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