I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
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