Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
