This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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