Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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