i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
How external is "for external use only"?
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
