This is not my ceiling
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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