You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize