omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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